Commitments. A terrible word feared by our fellow men. Humans are beings who always fought to be free, the freedom to do anything you want, making decisions that you feel best, being in places that you see yourself in, the food to be consumed, the freedom to write and express yourself, the freedom to choose your spouse, the right to choose your country leader.. etc. However, there are many things around us that governs us on how we should do things, such as laws, religions, culture, society. So in someway we are not totally free, there is somehow a guideline to how things should be done, or more appropriately, how things are expected of you.
"Commitments", things that come to mind are relationships, marriage, family, money, career, children. Lately I had been talking and discussing on the views of commitments with a few of my guy friends. Trying to figure out what are the opinions of the opposite sex on this matter when it come to a relationship or sometimes relationships.
Now how often do you hear people giving reasons like "Both of us are grown adults", "There is no right or wrong", and the classic one, "I don't know, it just happens". The list of reasons can just go on and on and when you try catagorising them, most of them will be in "It's not my fault".
Look, guys like going around flirting with girls, it's common, and of course girls do enjoy the attention that she receives. From the guy's side, he might just be trying to have some fun out of this, enjoying his time and company with this pretty lady here. Some might just be taking it as a game, playing around, going around collecting hearts. Others might be doing it out of pride, trying to prove himself that he is capable to hook up with any girl that he wants. And of course some seriously wants to get to know you better. So for a girl, how would you know the true intentions of the guy talking to you now? Well, you don't, not until you get to know him more, know him longer enough, but when is long enough, how much more do you need to know about him?
Asked a few of my guy on this, surprisingly their answers are almost similar. They told me that it is always better to notify the girl up front, let her know that he is not serious in this, and has no plans to get into a serious relationship with her. So I asked, when are you suppose to tell then? Regarding this, there is no exact answers, but as soon as possible. Well, any sane guy won't do this at the moment they first met the girl right? (-.-'') Then I continued asking, how will you tell the girl then? Some said that the guy's actions has to be clear enough for the girl that he is not serious with this relationship, the message must be sent clearly to the girl. So as the girl gets to know him more, she will know that this is nothing serious. Or you can tell her directly, in which I think not much will do so.
So how would a guy know that his actions are passing the right message across? How would he know that she intepreted them correctly? How would he know that the girl has the same idea as he do? I asked, why don't you tell the girl up front in words or in the conversation that you are just playing around, com'on, a guy won't do that right? You've gotta be out of your mine to blow this off with your sudden sense of honesty, especially not at the first conversation that you are having with her.
Well, after discussing, debating and argueing just a bit with my friends on this, this are some of my PERSONAL opinion, it may not be 100% true, it's just purely MY OPINION.
I have nothing against having a friend of the opposite gender, whether are you in a relationship, married or what so ever. I think it is just normal or healthy to have friends of the opposite gender. However, I do have some views on people taking relationships as a game, as a medium to have some fun.
When one says that they will inform all his intentions up front, that the other party should had knew that this is nothing serious, this is actually an act of self proctection, covering your butt from the known trouble coming in future. When things don't work out between the two, "I had told you way before all this.", "You should had knew better.", "I did not meant to hurt anyone". One is able to find a way to bail themselves out from the responsibility on the damage made to the other party. They will go against the other party that they are well informed about this earlier, this all are by common consent.
Ya..~ Common consent seemed like a good defense. But then look at it this way, when a guy approaches a girl, I am sure no one knew the true intention of the other party, but the chemistry is already going on. If you are lucky, that common consent is made here, when both parties are having the same idealogy in this relationship, same expectations. However, what if one party has a total different view in this? What if one party is just thinking of having fun, yet the other party is considering in having a serious relationship? So how much earlier should informed earlier be? At the first conversation? Hahaha.. Usually not, it often occurs only when the relationship starts to feel like something to one party and the other party will feel like, "Hey, I think I am giving the wrong idea. And I don't want to hurt anyone here.".
Here, only will the playing party starts with all the act of "I don't plan to have a serious relationship". See, the part " I don't want to hurt anyone here" is something like a way out from being the bad person in this relationship. Hey, if you really have no intention in hurting anyone here, why did you start the relationship at all? It's like if you are afraid to get burnt, why play with fire?
And when common consent on early informed does not work, the next senario played usually will be "We are grown adult, we both were in this willingly". Yes, no one forced us into this relationship, not me nor did you. But at the moment when the first step is made, if the expectations of both parties were different, and the cross checking of the expectation were done later in the relationship, who will be the one to get hurt then? The one who was expecting a serious relationship.
Things don't just happen, everything happens for a reason, with or without us knowing it. Never put any assumptions in a relationship, as you know ASSUME = ASS + U + ME. Never think that if you did things with certain precautions, no one will get hurt. Someone will get hurt eventually.
Relationships are suppose to be a beautiful thing that we have between people, try keeping it beautiful for others, and you will get the most gorgeous relationship in life.
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